every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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