I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
My bed smells like the plague
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