If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
