If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
