who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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