Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
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I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
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He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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