i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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