It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
