Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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