Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
