Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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