Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
