omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
