My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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