I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
a search helicopter?!
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
