Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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