I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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