I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
