we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
