How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
