I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
