you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
