Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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