I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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