Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
