btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
i believe in u and ur pee
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
