And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
