My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
