i wish there were pregnant emoticons
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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