Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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