saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
