If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
tell me about the fingering
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