What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
