ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
