WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
