you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
