OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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