I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
