Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
