so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
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Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
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