What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
