its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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