Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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