i wish my penis had a tongue
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
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