I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
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He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
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When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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