some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
