the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize