i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
