ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
