i just google imaged poop.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I said "one day" and that day is not today
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
