sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You made out with two different species that night
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Randomize
