I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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