I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
