Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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