don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
