What a fucking waste of an outfit
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
