My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
