I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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