Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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