So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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