yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
