i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Randomize
