youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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