I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
