I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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