I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
